New year. New blog. New road.
Anyone who knows me knows how passionate and dedicated I am to academia. It has been my plan for several years now to pursue graduate study and become a college music professor. I even got a taste of it by taking an adjunct professor position for a semester. After many years of preparation, hard work, sleepless nights, and hours and hours of writing...I got what I wished for. I completed my Master's degree, and I was in a well-reputed doctoral program on a full ride fellowship. How could I not be happy?
Well, I wasn't. For many many reasons. Some personal reasons, some political reasons, some fundamental reasons, and in the end...I realized that these reasons weren't going to just disappear in 7 years when I graduated and found a job at some university. In fact, these reasons would probably just be more prevalent, and I would not be making nearly enough money to make it worth the trouble (Ah, life in the Humanities).
After a semester of misery and some serious reflection and soul searching, I realized that what I loved about music, ethnomusicology, and academia was not being holed up in the library for days writing research papers (although part of me does actually enjoy that), but instead, it was sharing music and culture with others. Getting out into the community and making a difference in students' lives. I realized I didn't need a PhD to do this, and I certainly didn't need to suffer through 7 years of torture to do this.
Of course, I still love to learn new things, and the idea of being a life-long learner and challenging myself to think and grow still excites me very much. So I don't know if "burned out" is the right way to describe how I felt. More like "fed up." I knew that little-old-me was not going to change academia as we know it, so I made one of the scariest decisions of my life. Like so scary that I am still sitting here hoping I did the right thing (Right now, I think I did. Ask me again 20 years from now.) I shared my frustrations with the department chair and dean, and with many other friends and colleagues who provided guidance along the way, and then I withdrew from the university. Sianara PhD. See ya later fellowship. Peace out friends and colleagues.
2010 was by far the most stressful year of my 25 years of life. I'm only in my mid-twenties and I've already encountered a "life crisis" and career change. Everything I had planned and worked for in my life was now for nothing (or so it felt), and I had no idea what I was going to do. Although this decision has added many wrinkles and gray hairs that are just waiting to appear, it has also been one of the most freeing decisions of my life. I can whole-heartedly say that I am happier than I have been in years. Not having the massive pressure of graduate school upon me is almost rejuvenating. Now, when interviewers ask where I see myself in 10 years...I am not sure I know the answer, and I'm really okay with that.
In the very short time since leaving the university, I have been blessed with an amazing new job in Arts administration, working in the education department for a symphony. During a time when jobs are impossible to come by, I managed to get one that allows me to work with the two things I love the most: music and education. I really couldn't be any luckier, or more grateful.
Now, instead of watching my Twenties slip away in the chaos of graduate study, I am embracing them to the fullest, and enjoying every moment of it! I am very optimistic that this year will be far better than last year, and I can't wait to see what's in store!
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